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I haven’t had much of a sex life for about four years. They’ve been difficult years for both my wife and I. Decline started with my wife’s surgery for pancreatic cancer and a long convalesence. But it has not been that, but my own problems for the last three-and-half years. I realize there’s a natural slowing down after age 60, but I’ve yet to find anything that really helps. Early in our marriage I used various means to help my wife overcome inhibitions that had come from an abusive ex-husband. Somehow, after her surgery, I can’t get into games and roleplays as I did then. There seems little desire now for sex and the male enhancement pills aren’t working well for me. My question is, how can I become more active sexually and encourage my wife at the same time to have more sex, and better sex, more like before we both “shut down” sexually? Real help would be appreciated.
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there are many many drugs out there to help with the issue here, talk to your Dr and get that in order first. As for your relationship maybe start at the beginning,having cancer can have dramatic pshycological effects on both the person involved and her partner, perhaps she has issues with that , that are holding her back that she has not talked about but needs to. there is no reason that at 60 plus you can not enjoy a active sex life at all, society says you shouldnt but look at charlie chaplin. the desire comes from within, perhaps you are looking at this the wrong way, roleplay is not needed to have good sex, its fun sometimes but not a need. try something else, maybe start to court her all over again, as if you are both new to this relationship, yes its still role play of a sort I guess, but not the same.start to do things that bring you closer together and communicate more, forget about the sex for a while and concentrate on the relationship.to become more sexually active is only something you can work out and as for your wife , this may take time. if you are both willing to put in the effort I am sure it will re kindle itself again.the one thng that interested me that you said was “Somehow, after her surgery, I can’t get into games and roleplays as I did then” this suggests to me that you may have a hang up about the surgery and how it has left your wife, do you feel that somehow she is not complete anymore? not as attractive physically. This is not a critism my friend its a question, and if this is the case it is a perfectly normal reaction, you both need to talk to each other as she may well be feeling the same. please feel free to e mail me if you need any more help.
Sometimes getting away helps, plan a weekend trip to some nice quiet romantic place, maybe just the change in surroundings could help, and of course, fun - yes fun - laughing and being just silly in bed often lead to great sex, some tickling and just plain rolling around laughing. Forget the pills, forget about her surgery, and don’t think about age, think about how you feel at the moment. Try turning down the bed, putting on your favorite music, running her a bubble bath and bathing her, then rubbing her down with her favorite lotion or massage oil. Just don’t give up.
first you need to get the cancer out of your mind and her mind. cancer is almost a dirty word. also, sex is not the center point of a relationship. Get to know each other again. Go out. Here’s some tips, remember important dates (birth,anniversary,etc.) take her out, go on a vacation, a Cruise. take walks. give her massages (feet and back.) anything sensual will help both of you reconnect
you will have to start courting her again
Go out and do fun things together. Don’t focus on sex as the goal just allow that to be one of the clusters of the relationship. See her as a whole person. Don’t waste time analyzing the situation just find a way to be happy together. Laugh alot and do different things together - in fact I would say the simpler the better. Fun creates happiness and happiness always takes care of itself and will take care of the two of you as well. There is no age limit on fun.
When was the last time you went on a date? The biggest erogenous zone to be massaged is still between the ears.
Start with romance. That’s one of the most important parts of any relationship.
Send her 11 real roses and one artificial one. Include a card that says “I’ll love you until the last rose dies.”
If there is ever a time that one of you must go out of town (or for an over night hospital stay) tell her that you are worried about her saftey and have organized a bodyguard to look after her. Then give her a tedy bear.
If she is a reader, take the current book she is reading, skip ahead a bit from her bookmark and underline/highlight letters to spell out I love you.
Leave a long stem rose somewhere where your wife will easily find it. Write “Thank you for coming into my life” and stick it on the thorns.
I’ve got a million of ideas like those, feel free to e-mail if you would like some more.
sex is not everything in a relationship. Intimacy is the important thing here. Why don’t you try to date her again, this is always a good thing, Do little romantic things for her, buy her gifts, take her to dinner, go for walks, have a candle light dinner at home that you prepared. Prepare her a bubble bath and hen bath her. Give her a massage or send her for a day at the spa. Surprise her with these things don’t tell her ahead of time. Look over old photographs of your lives together.Women need to feel valued and appreciated before they want to have sex, and having so many medical issues may be a big part of it. Do things that interest the two of you together, go to a movie, a walk in the park.Remember the things that made the two of you fall in love and start over. The effort will probably be greatly appreciated. And when that part is repaired the sex will come naturally. Good luck and God bless