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*****
Blow Out
I’m standing here, a solitary candle
Flickering as chilled air meanders
All I can do is light a quiet corner
In a room that is filled with burning
Don’t move so close, a breeze will surely end me
As I melt away with waxy droplets drooling
Your lips pass by with whispers slowly blowing
As my light becomes a flaming desire
With warming air the night has come to call me
There is no need to see you in the dark
When I am cold and wickless…smoldering
You’ll remember me and my warm fire
*****
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As much as I didn’t want to, I actually like this one. I don’t really like the title, it alludes, for me, more to a flat tire on the freeway.
The quatrains themselves, evoke a sense of cold loneliness, which is interesting and ironic considering all the allusions to burning.
Well, if you re-named it ‘Cialis’, it would last 36 hours…does that count-in sleep, grocery store, mowing the lawn….WalMart…well, Wally World is getting its own doctor’s offices….uh, no comment on that one yet…..
“As I melt away with droplets drooling”–a perfect complement to “cold and wickless.” Sadly, I remember another warm fire.
i agree with annabell.
keep the poem the same it is a good poem.
no cold and wick less things here. . . . no drugs either. Guess our little corner of the world is doing just fine! :O))))))
The title doesn’t sound like a good marriage to the piece.
I can suggest “Blown Out” or “Warm Fire” or perhaps “Smoldering”.
Great imagery.
I love the overall inference that a solitary, flickering candle . . . . .still burns.
“cold and wickless”??? If you like, I could forward you all the “Enlarge your penis” messages I get every day.
Having said that, your poem is very good, and does not need any enhancement.
No, I don’t think it did. I do love this poem, as it likens the fragility of a candle flame to the fragility of love. Simple, yet unique.
Not sure about the use of meanders, though. Doesn’t seem to fit.
True, waft is overused. I understand.
Perhaps…to make it sound that intoxicating i guess! hehe…
I like the image of solitary candle too…hard, strong and long… that will soon, melt! (sorry can’t help but comparing the melting solitary candle to a pen1s…)
Hot damn boy that was good..I know as a writer you’d like to hear more than just “that was good” but with every line you’ve taken away my mind and left me without speech…In other words you blow my mind
I’m new here and find your poetry very interesting but I sometimes struggle to fully understand it - hopefully I’ll learn. I mean it may sound a bit dumb to you, but I like the imagery and rhyme scheme in the 2nd & 3rd stanzas - “me, drooling, blowing, desire : me, dark, smoldering, fire”. Is it a stupid question to ask if that was deliberate, I mean because stanza 1 doesn’t have the same rhyme scheme?
I also like the metaphor.
Oh! those cold winter nights.